Haku Grows Up
by SteelDolls
Summary: Haku and her older brother Dell live with their Mom and Dad. Childrens' angst, growing up, childhood traumas, some instances of abuse. A slice of life type fic? Ongoing. -On Hiatus-


"Haku, do you want to play a game? Come look at this!" Dell smiled at his younger sister as she walked her small, girlish body over, and looked at the many pieces of paper Dell was holding in his hands. "I made this game, it's like an RPG."

"What's that? How do you play?" Haku asked, excited. She loved her older brother, he was always so smart and played together with her.

"Well, you keep track of your HP with these papers, and you keep track of MP with these papers, and this paper is you, and these papers are monsters, and this is the gameboard with lots of rooms drawn on it. Do you want to play?" Dell asked.

"Yes, I want to play! What is HP and MP?" Haku asked and sat down and looked at all the pieces of paper. Dell was a good artist, because the monsters he drew were amazing. There was one monster she really liked, it was a giant eyeball with wings. She wondered if her brother would give her the drawing if she asked.

"HP is health points and MP is magic points. Okay, so you go first," Dell instructed. Haku frowned a little to herself, not exactly sure how to play still.

"Okay, I'll go here," Haku announced and moved her paper.

"No, you can't just move anywhere, you have to do it the right way. And you get attacked by the monster! You lose some HP so take away from your HP," Dell said.

"Oh! ...Um, what is the HP again?" Haku asked, feeling a little confused. This game was neat but complicated, and Haku was only 7.

"Didn't you pay attention? It's your health points," Dell said, getting frustrated. "And if you want to fire back you have to use your MP."

"Oh, okay..." Haku frowned in concentration. She really liked that 'eyeball' monster though... it was cool! "What's the MP again? And the HP? What's the difference between them again?"

"What are you, stupid? I already told you twice," Dell replied testily. "Let's just stop playing, you don't get it."

"No, I want to play! I want to play, Dell!" Haku protested unhappily. If her big brother would just tell her the rules a few more times she was sure she could get it. "Dell, can I have the monster? It's really neat and I like it!"

"No," Dell said in an irritated voice as he packed up the many papers and went back to his room and closed the door behind him. Haku stared after him, her little mouth slightly agape, feeling upset and stupid and mad at Dell for not letting her play the game anymore even though she really wanted to learn it and play together.

Haku's unhappy eyes shimmered at the ground and she clenched her little fists. Maybe she would draw her own game and her own monsters! And then she would show Dell and he would know she could draw it too. Haku went and got some paper and crayons and settled down with a look of concentration on her face to work on it.

A few minutes later, Haku had drawn some lines that didn't want to agree with her, but they were smooth and pretty, and as she kept working, she realized that her picture looked like a cool alien. She grinned at the paper, feeling proud of herself. She wanted to show Dell, but she was still mad at him, and she couldn't figure out how to copy the game she had seen in his hands before.

'I know what I'll do! Dell will be impressed with my drawing... but to show him I'm still mad at him, I'll tell him it's a picture of him. Then Dell will be a picture of an alien!" Haku giggled to herself quietly as she imagined her brother admiring the picture and feeling stupid and maybe smiling at Haku when he realized she had made him an alien. Then maybe he would play the game with her again, and she would learn it better this time.

Haku got up, leaving scraps of paper and crayons all over the floor in her excitement and hurry to show off her new piece of artwork. She ran to Dell's door and knocked on it. After a moment Dell's blank face peeked out of the door.

"This is you!" Haku stated loudly and proudly and held out the drawing she had made to Dell, with a big grin on her face. Dell took the paper and looked at it for a moment, and then ripped it into four pieces and tossed it on the floor in front of his door, closing it again in Haku's face.

The younger girl was shocked as she bent and picked up the pieces of her prized drawing slowly. She couldn't believe that her big brother who she loved would do this to her special, unique drawing, and hot tears rose up in her eyes. Even if she taped it back together, the lines would not be smooth again. The drawing was ruined. Haku walked away from Dell's door, holding the pieces of paper to her chest and crying, not understanding what had just happened.

...

"I'm running away!" Haku said out loud at the breakfast table as her Mom started to put pancakes out for everybody. "Because Dell is mean!"

It had been a whole day since Haku's older brother had ripped up her drawing and he refused to be nice to her or talk to her or play with her, and she was very upset. One day, Dell was nice, and the next day, he was mean, mean, mean! Haku hoped that if she ran away, he would be nice again.

"Oh? Okay, Haku. But, won't you have some pancakes first? If you run away before you have breakfast you will be hungry," Mom said and sat down calmly at the table with her two children.

"...Okay, fine," Haku said sullenly. Mom was just going to let her run away? Didn't she care if Haku ran away? Didn't she care that Haku was upset or that Dell was mean to Haku? Haku stared at her pancakes and stabbed them with her fork, her small face deeply upset as she started to eat.

"Haku... so when you run away, where will you go to?" Mom asked. Haku looked up unhappily.

"I don't know," The disgruntled girl replied.

"And how will you get food? You're going to get very, very hungry by lunch time, and if you've run away, I won't make lunch for you. Where will you sleep?" Mom asked, her voice calm and collected. Haku's small mind turned these questions over in her head, and she refused to answer.

"You'll have to be careful, because all kinds of bad things can happen. You're going to be very hungry, Haku, but I won't stop you if you have to run away," Mom said almost airily as she finished her own breakfast. "Do you want one more pancake before you go, Haku? Because it'll probably be the last thing you eat for a very very long time."

Haku stared down at her plate and her eyes shimmered as she imagined a scary world with who knows what kind of bad things that might happen to her in it and no food. Haku already knew how bad it hurt her tummy when she didn't get enough food, and she imagined how very bad it would feel to be hungry like that for a long time... maybe forever. She didn't reply as her Mom took the dishes to the kitchen and left Haku and Dell alone at the table.

Dell didn't bother saying anything to Haku, despite her complaints and her threat of running away, and he left the table, ignoring her unhappiness completely. Haku thought hard about running away, for real this time, but her Mom's words left her with the realization that she was dependant and couldn't take care of herself. It made Haku feel worthless, and like it was okay with her family that she was hurting. Nobody cared enough about her even to tell her 'don't leave.'

...

"It's called a slinky," Haku and Dell's mom said as she gave the toy to Dell. The older boy played with it from hand to hand as Haku's fascinated eyes followed the movement of the coiled spring as it moved fluidly.

After a few minutes, Dell put the slinky on the table and made it stretch to the floor, the coils following in one interesting motion.

"I'm going to use it on the stairs!" Dell said aloud, and Haku scrambled to follow him as he climbed the steps to the second floor. Mom nodded and walked away to take care of other things.

Dell set the slinky up at the top of the stairs and let it travel downwards. Haku watched in delight until it reached the bottom step.

"Go get it, Haku," Dell said, like she was the family dog, and his little sister grinned and ran down the steps after the toy, fetching it, and bringing it back upstairs. She clung annoyingly close to Dell as he set it up again, and then he frowned at her. "...Go away."

"I want to watch!" Haku complained, stung. Dell frowned again and he let the slinky go. Haku chased after it to get it again when it reached the bottom of the stairs without being told. She hopped back up the steps. "I want to do it this time," Haku said, flush with excitement.

"No. Give it to me," Dell said. Haku's face looked unhappy as she hesitated and started to set it up on the steps anyways, but she didn't get it right right away, and it didn't start to move down the steps. Dell got angry and pushed Haku away. She tumbled down the stairs bodily. Thinking fast, Dell scooped up the slinky quickly and threw it down the stairs near Haku's prone body.

"What happened?" Mom came back into the room quickly after hearing the loud sound of someone's body hitting the stairs again and again. Haku's trembling face as she got up, her little body hurting, glanced up at Dell. Her confused heart was paining her; why had her beloved older brother pushed her down the stairs? Did he really... hate her?

Haku smoothed her face out and she looked at her mom. She couldn't let Dell know how hurt she felt right at that moment, so she plastered a fake grin on her face, spread out her arms painfully, and exclaimed, "I'm a slinky!"

Mom looked at Haku for a moment, blinking, as Haku added, just to let Dell know he couldn't hurt her, "I want to do it again!"

Mom just shook her head, as if Haku were ridiculous, and Haku glanced back up the stairs as Dell laughed at her briefly and walked away without saying anything.

...

"We're going to have to move," Mom said. "You need to say goodbye to your friends at school, and we'll pack up our things and move to the new place."

"Why do I have to say goodbye to my friends?" Haku asked, confused. "They don't live with me."

"You won't be seeing them again after we move. We're going far away, so you should say goodbye. We're going to stay in a hotel for a few days while we're waiting for our new place," Mom said. "If you want to, you can send them letters and stay in touch that way."

"I don't want to move! I love my friends!" Haku said, deeply upset.

"You'll make new friends at your new school. And I'll let you borrow my camera tomorrow, so you can take pictures of your friends at school to remember them by," Mom said, and nothing Haku said after that would convince her to change her mind.

Haku couldn't really wrap her head around never seeing her friends again, and she pretty much convinced herself that it would just be a temporary thing, like the time when she was out of school for chicken pox. Of course they would be back together at some point. Haku consoled herself with this knowledge.

...

Haku's Dad was outside near the swingset with a hammer in his hand. Haku ran over to him, excited. Dad rarely, if ever, was around to play with Haku on her beloved swing set. He was always away on music tours. Haku loved swinging high and being pushed on the swing. It always made her feel happy.

"Do you want to swing me?" Haku asked, her bright eyes full of hope and happiness. Dad frowned at her and then avoided looking at her face.

"No. I'm taking it down," Dad replied shortly. Haku gasped.

"No! You can't! Don't take my swing set down!" Haku cried out, distraught. Dad ignored her and started yanking on one of the metal support beams, trying to pry it from the ground. "No! No! Please stop! Please stop, Dad!"

Haku's Dad ignored her, not even replying, as he gave up on yanking and started to hit the structure with the hammer, literally breaking it into a wretched mess of metal as he took it apart over the course of the net several minutes in front of Haku's eyes.

The young girl howled and screamed and sobbed at her father to stop, stop, please stop, but he said nothing, did nothing, except continue to remove and break down the large toy, piece by piece. When he was done, he left a big mess of metal beams and discarded swing in a dirty, messy pile on the ground in the middle of the yard. Haku looked at it and cried, saying, "Put it back together, please put it back together!" as her Dad walked away into the house, closing the door behind him, without saying a word to her.

...

Haku started to cry even before she told her friends that she was moving. She held her Mom's camera in her small hands as her two best friends started to ask her what was wrong.

"I have t-to move, and I won't see you anymore," Haku sobbed brokenly as her two friends hugged her. They started to cry, too. Haku hugged them both back, the tears streaming down her face, making her feel sick to her stomach. She felt like she was giving permission to her parents to make her move as she took a bunch of photographs and handed the camera off to one of her classmates so they could all get some pictures together.

When recess was over, Haku walked very slowly back inside school. She clutched the camera hard in her little hands and started taking pictures of everything and everybody. Even her teacher who she loved let her take a picture. Nobody scolded her for not being able to focus on school or taking so many pictures. When the school bus came, she hugged her friends one last time, said goodbye forever, and walked up onto the giant yellow-and-black vehicle with a leaden heart.


End file.
